I was attending a 3rd Sunday night musical which was the popular thing to do in my Holy Roller days. I was a 21 year old single mother that was hell bent on staying single until marriage and all I wanted to do was serve the Lord. I got to church, found me a nice cozy spot in the middle and prepared to hear some good music.
A very handsome brother could not seem to stay focused on the singing. He sat in front of me and noticeably kept turning around so that we could lock eyes. No matter how much I ignored him he found a way to make his interest known. When the musical was over he approached me and we exchanged numbers. The next 365 days were eventful.
Our first conversation went on for hours. He was a 32 year old divorced minister with 4 kids by 2 different women. He was charming, sweet and knew all the right words. Our first date was followed by 2 more dates concurrently, seeing each other daily and need I give details to the intimacy that had taken a little girl to a full grown woman in a matter of months.
My new beau said what attracted him the most was my confidence. I was well poised and always had a meticulous appearance. This is something that was inbred from a strong group of beautiful women that proceeded me in generational and familial status. To this day my mother doesn’t leave the house without earrings or lipstick and confidence exudes her. I was taught to walk in a room and show up-not flashy-not loud but let my presence make the noise.
The confidence that I had at 21 did not prevent me from carrying on with a man that had lied about being married. This led to a situation that ended up in me attending the funeral of his dead wife weeks after she and I had been involved in a dramatic argument. A church scandal, broken hearts and a man that would not be with either of us. Let us not forget the invite to the house they shared only days after she was cold in the ground…
Confidence is a modality that women have learned to mimic in today’s society. We are confident enough to land the job of our dreams, start businesses’ and create beautiful off springs, however confidence alone cannot sustain our lives. There is a missing ingredient that is absent after we meet a certain someone or are introduced into a new situation and that is self-esteem.
You know like the twins POLY and ESTER Confidence and Self-Esteem go hand in hand. You may have the confidence to pull the most handsome brother in the room (I always have) but lack the self-esteem that is needed to support the relationship.
After many years of being single and finding myself in situations where I felt defeated I had to admit that I am as confident as they come but how I esteem my self is not 100%.
The thoughts that we carry around that no one else can hear and the way we treat ourselves less than others is proof that our self-esteem is low if it exists at all.
The 2018 woman will never admit that perhaps she treats he children, her family and especially a man (even a good one) better than she treats herself. Instead she tries to “fix” the issue by going to the gym-the plastic surgeon-reading self-help books that give her CONFIDENCE a boost but leaves her self-esteem starving.
So being an almost 40 year old sister that can meet powerful men because I’m everybody’s type (Ask ‘Yonce) I have to admit that being confident only gets you in the door but self-esteem keeps you there.
To be continued…